The Chicken and the Road
by Pyrpellos Mellos
Summary: The chicken. The road. The Harry Potter characters. The legend.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Nothing remotely Harry Potter oriented belongs to me. NOTHING. NADA. ZIP. This story's just…well, you tell me?

It was the first night for the best of friends, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, to return to Hogwarts. The magically enchanted ceiling showed twinkling stars amongst the velvety, deep blue sky. Harry felt so happy to be back at his home (for Hogwarts was much more of a home than Privet Drive would ever be), that he thought his heart would burst like a swelling water balloon.

(Peeves was, in fact, hurling water balloons gleefully at a small group of cowering first years in a back, who were not putting up a fight at all. Stupid first years.)

Hundreds of eager-for-learning faces stared up at Dumbledore. (Fred and George were not among these, but looked at Dumbledore anyway).

McGonagall rushed off to rescue the poor soaking first years, and Dumbledore began his speech.

"I would like to welcome all of you back to Hogwarts." He began.

When the applause had died down (this had taken several minutes—Prof D was practically an idol, complete with the hippie glasses and smiley-face robes, joyously signing his students' bits of parchment, so they could have autographs, and enjoying fame), he resumed his speech.

"As all of you hopefully know," Prof D continued, his new rainbow flowered robes swaying in the nonexistent breeze, "there have been several very unfortunate events that have fallen upon us."

Students took to nervously exchanging looks with each other; what could be this bad news?

"The Dark Lord has….risen!"

The nervous shrieks, chatter and looks broke out again. However, it only took a second before the noise died down. Dumbledore, looking quite miffed that somebody had dared to interrupt him, continued.

"And as he has, and new age has begun. An age of cautiousness, of new precautions. However, we must not forget our houses, which must be united as soon as possible."

Harry and his crew looked over to Draco, C&G (that's what they called themselves, it sounded like a rather nifty perfume name—of course they had no idea that in the muggle world, D&G (Dolce and Gabbana) was in fact a popular designing brand). It was understood that there would be no "uniting" between the two groups.

"And in doing this, we must ask ourselves several pivotal questions." D continued, looking as wise and all-knowing as ever a hippie could. "One—what can all of us do in terms of jobs—however small—to bring to good side to power once more?"

The crowd roared in approval. Dumbledore seemed really to be getting into his speech making; he rather resembled Martin Luther king Junior (only, of course, white), or an overexcited politician—take George W. Bush as an example—only Dumbledore was sadly lacking in the Texas drawl.

He banged his fist on the teachers' table, accidentally causing a spoon to rocket upward and hit Professor Trelawney square in the middle of the forehead.

Only nobody really cared much; they were too into D's speech.

"Two—which side are we on—good, or evil?"

Several hundred students roared (in agreement) in response. It was actually comparable to a full-scale riot; Mcgonagall, in fact, looked rather worried a mob would break out, but who could argue with Prof D?

"And three," Dumbledore said, in a dramatic whisper, so that students had to lean in to catch his words, "three, HOW did the chicken cross the road?"

A/N: HA!

I know this has been done about a zillion times, but I wanted to try my hand at it…it's purely fun.

There'll be more chapters, although I can't say how many…hmmmm. Well…review! Always much appreciated, and motivate me to write… HINT HINT…. Oh, and please excuse me, I'm awfully hyper, though I don't know by what. I've had no sugar, just yogurt and grapefruit juice (obviously in separate containers, well, the juice in a cup and the yogurt in a bowl) for breakfast… hmmmmmmmm.

Ah, well, one of life's many unsolved mysteries…….

So…

Adios, Bye-bye, Shalom, L'hitraot, (last two were Hebrew…I've spoken it since kindergarten……..) um….I don't know anything else so……

review? ; - ) Make me want to write sooner and motive me… you know you want to (or actually maybe you don't…but review anyway! I appreciate every one)


	2. Hermione or Hagrid: THE declaration

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related works do not belong to me.

A/N: Review? You know you want to. Ish. Maybe. PLEASE.

A stunned silence met these oh-so-important words.

It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

Sadly, the silence was broken by Peeves, who cackled maniacally, zooming into the Great Hall while dropping a water balloon on a first year's head.

Only nobody really cared much about the first year.

"See!" Hermione said in a whisper, poking Harry harshly in the forehead. No, we do not know much about Hermione's poor forehead-poking tendencies. It is a mystery of the world that may very well never be solved.

Ron actually looked pretty pissed about this forehead contact. He turned purple, obviously, but nobody cared, because all (except for Hermione and Harry) were focused intently on Prof D, who was attempting a staring contest with a spoon.

"What?" Harry asked. The Boy-Who-Gaped. The famed one.

"I was right!" Hermione said.

"Huh?" Harry asked unintelligently.

"Chicken: A History, of course, I told you it would be pivotal this year! I've packed an extra copy too; loads of people will want to check it out from the library."

"Yeah."

It was still silent.

Hermione, slamming her bag to the floor, flew to her feet on the house table.

"Hermione?" Ron asked dim-wittedly, for he was really the C of C&G in disguise. But nobody knew that, for he insisted on wearing that tiring ginger wig all the time.

"The Chicken! And the Road," Hermione said mysteriously to the whole Hall, her voice suddenly going deeper than Hagrid's.

The students looked quite shocked, but D, hippie as he was, was very into this display of righteous peaceful speech-ness.

"Every book has a theory on it. It's just a myth, you say? No," Hermione said, dramatically, her voice still deep and manly.

"The Chicken. The Road. We must investigate. We must truly find out what EXACTLY happened on Friday the Eleventh of October, when the chicken…it is presumed…crossed…THE ROAD!"


End file.
